around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize