Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
