You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
