We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
