I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
