dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
