I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
