My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
