I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just googled if crying burns calories
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize