my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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