Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize