So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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