jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he was CRYING into my vagina
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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