The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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