he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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