Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
