im holly from the hills drunk
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
