Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
