I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
