YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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