I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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