It's like a parade of train wrecks.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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