it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
