Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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