So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I party with great urgency now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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