i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
operation have a gay friend backfired
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Randomize
