Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize