But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
