So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
