Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
