Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
