Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
