youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
