Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
