yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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