did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
