Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
