i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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