She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
