DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
