Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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