i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
