Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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