i think i have two assholes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
