Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
