my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
