I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
