Who did Billy Mays play for?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
