FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
