He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
