Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize