remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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