omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
