She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
