Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
