Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
