Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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