she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
