he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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