Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
