Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
