I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
