Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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