Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
