she looked like the before picture.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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