i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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