She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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