I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
