he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My breasts were aching with rage.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
